More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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