I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
