Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
