i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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