Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want her autograph on my taint
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
