he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
