Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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