I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize