Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
