dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
