so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize