She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
