Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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