remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
