what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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