i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize