I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
