If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize