I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
