I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
