I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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