I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
