I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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