I will die if light touches me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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