these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
