i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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