Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
