im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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