so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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