i already hear my dad disowning me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
