I wanna bring you to show and tell
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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