By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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