As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
