i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
