Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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