Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had

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(541): View more from Oregon

plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.

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(845): View more from New York

Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

not ubering you a puppy

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(212): View more from New York

i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk

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