life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
