chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
