Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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