I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
