We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
