I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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