i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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