obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize