She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
