Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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