if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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