its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
