I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
