I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
