Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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