All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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