Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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