So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
