I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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