i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
