And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
