Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
