based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
