At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
