Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
