is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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