i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
