Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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