Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
