i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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