Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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