Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
