Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
