im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
