that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
