you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize