I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
