yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
