I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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