I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize