So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
