I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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