Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
