I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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