Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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