i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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