Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize