The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have tasted many bathrooms
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
