Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I believe in your delicious
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
