Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize