oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
