Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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