how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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