I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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