I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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