I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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