If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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