I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
