I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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