he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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