the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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