Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
