You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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