He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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