how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
