I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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