Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
