On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
