whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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