I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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