Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
